radiant. trying.

Majorly irked that I feel such a great need to be with/meet up with Gerard every single day. Which is weird considering what different lives we lead, our different personalities, the subject fields that we are interested in. One would wonder why we are together even in the first place. Haha.

So back to the topic.

Well Gerard is my best friend and confidante. So everything that I experience or want to share with someone (which is a lot of things), naturally my first instinct is to tell him. What with me working and feeling exceedingly tired (and hence grumpy) at the end of the day, I find myself talking to him less. Probably does not help that I have been moody and cold towards him, due to a lack of Saturdays that we spend together (resulting in my previous angry post).

I loathe not spending every microsecond of my free time with him. Free time equals time not spent working, doing pilates, meeting friends, doing housework. Now that spells ‘extreme neediness’. I can already see heads nodding sagely. Pfft.

So I am trying to reduce this ‘extreme neediness’ which is a result of me being used to us spending a lot of time together and me being overseas when I was studying (which made me miss him A TON). This attempt to not spend so much time with him means that I am trying to not be so close to him, resulting in reduced communication between the two of us. Which makes me miserable because I have to keep everything inside.

Aiya, really dumb and silly.

I am typing out this post because I need to lay all my thoughts and reason this out. Admittedly my logic is flawed. Though if you have met and spoken me and seen us together, I am guessing that you sort of understand where I am coming from.

Frustrating yes, because his physical presence is the perfect calming effect on the stressed and hyped up me. The best and most cliche analogy would be that he is my drug and I am the drug addict. Remove my drug and the side effects range from sulky to all out grumpiness.

I am sure that we will work something out eventually. Bah.